Self-worth and the Code of Reasonableness
For our self worth we can tell ourselves each day in the mirror that we are good as a part of God’s people. When we keep to our good actions and thoughts, we can be certain that soon enough good feelings will follow. In the Code of Reasonableness, by checking ourselves first if we did what was reasonable we can know for sure whether another is being unreasonable towards us and of if they are just reacting to how we may have treated them.
1. As soon as you wake up in the morning look into the mirror into your eyes to tell yourself this affirmation: I am good born of God, I like myself and today I can cope.
Tell yourself this each day, as the first thing you do when you wake up. Do this for a couple of weeks until you can then tell yourself that you love yourself given God placed His Spirit inside you. Then continue to say these things to your soul upon waking each morning.
See the difference it can bring and remember to tell ourselves each day:
It’s okay to make mistakes and we can still feel good about ourselves.
2. Doing more of what’s important to us.
This may mean we need to discover, come to know, and decide for ourselves what truly makes us most happy in the direction we wish to go. When we do good, that make us happy, we then help our self-esteem and grow with skills in confidence that helps us to do other things in life that are also necessary or what we need to also be responsible for. We are also responsible for our decisions as free will with happiness is to be embraced from a content within, so doing what we love is just as important as doing our daily chores. It’s part of living by thriving not just surviving.
See these strengths and pick out one that you think describes you best. You may have a few so pick a few out. Then you could pick out one that you would like to have and for a week, practise on having that strength and just see how you go. And reward yourself for your great efforts.
|Problem solver||Able to think in different ways with more than one choice for a solution.|
|Creative thinker||Able to think in different ways and draw ideas together and display it in a new way.|
|Gather information||Able to gather information well|
|Teamwork||Able to get along with others|
|Kind||Showing consideration and being helpful to others|
|Generous||Willing to give and share more than necessary|
|Understanding||Aware, tolerant and forgiving of other people’s feelings|
|Disciplined||Able to control one’s own behaviour and continues to go on in difficult tasks to achieve goals|
|Persistent||Doesn’t give up easily even if initially rejected and stays enthusiastic even after a setback|
|Modest||Being not over big in one’s opinion about oneself|
|Energetic||Displaying or exerting great enthusiasm for something|
|Positive||One who can see the positive side of situations|
|Learner||Likes to learn new things and take on new challenges|
|True||One who sticks to their own beliefs and values|
|Empathic||One who sees and is concerned for the emotions of others|
|Courageous||Able to deal with fear without intimidation, being brave|
The Code of Reasonableness
When angry, we can check our own behaviour before we react to someone. Take a few breaths to think whether we acted rightly in our regard for another before we expect them to act reasonably towards us. We check ourselves first to be sure we are not doing the same thing. We do this to be sure they are not reacting to our behaviour and that we have acted rightly. If we have done all the right things towards the person, we can know for sure someone is acting unreasonably. Once we know this, we can then go on to expect and ask them to treat us reasonably or decide to walk away if they decline.
For Toby, not taking Tammy’s bad behaviour to dismay also meant Toby was not allowing Tammy’s bad behaviour to hurt how he felt about himself as good and born from God.
How does Toby know if he behaved reasonably?
- By asking himself if he had done all the right or reasonable things by looking first at his own behaviour.
- being reasonable such as by showing regard for Tammy despite how she behaved.
- staying calm and speaking without yelling back at her or calling her names from anger.
2. After checking first his own behaviour, then it is reasonable for Toby to say he was angry in a firm voice, not too raised and not too low, so to get the message across to Tammy that her wrongful actions are not acceptable.
This action is called setting up boundaries for how we choose to accept others’ treatment of us. It is a way of protecting ourselves in the right way without having to fight with our fists or cry in the corner by ourselves.
In checking his own actions first, Toby could then be most certain to know whether Tammy’s bad behaviour was or wasn’t an over-reaction to any fault or failing of his own. This way Toby could be most certain that he acted rightly or reasonably no matter how Tammy had acted towards him. He could stand strong and not be confused or swayed by any misplaced blame or doubt someone else may have. He can say what was right or wrong with a strong sure conviction knowing what was right and not being weakened by what was wrong.
We can do this ourselves when someone wrongs us. We can use the Code of Reasonableness to check both our own behaviour towards another and then how the other boy or girl treats us. We can use it to be strong in stating how we wish or do not wish to be treated. We should speak up when we are treated wrongly and be thankful when we’re treated rightly. We should stand firm in speaking out against those who may wish us not to bring to attention to any wrongful ways they may treat us.
When treated badly, we become angry. And this is okay. It’s called Righteous Anger and it’s healthy to voice it. We should say it aloud to ourselves or to a trusted friend or family member or wise counsellor. It should be someone we can trust with our sensitive information; someone who won’t tell others or make our anger worse. It should be someone who innerstands us and the situation and who also innerstands the boy or girl or man or woman with whom we feel angry towards. This is because we all need innerstanding of another, even though wrongful words and behaviours shouldn’t be tolerated.
The effort for us is the courage to state our boundaries for how we wish to be treated with a level that is respectful of our feelings, emotions and physical and Spiritual bodies. This is what we can expect if we choose to live as good, ordinary, peaceful, loving people born of God. And this we can expect from others to a reasonable level. If we fail to get it, we then have the choice to say something or to distance ourselves from or not associate with those who do or can do us wrong.
Emotions are things such as anger, sadness, happiness, jealousy. Things we can feel with our mind and body that can upset us or make us feel good. It can also not help us if our emotions are very strong and we allow them to overtake our clear thinking that comes easier when we are calmer and more relaxed. While we may not always be able to control our emotions, we can control our feelings, how we decide to react to our emotions, our power in self-control.
You can see from this list there are a lot of emotions. You can have fun getting to know yourself by seeing what emotion(s) the ones are you know and think you are feeling or have felt. If you’re not sure what they mean, have fun discovering and looking them up in a dictionary. To control these emotions, we can use the tools in the stories to create positive behaviours to do and be, so you can be strong when you think you are weak along with prayer for self-control over our emotions.
Positive and Negative Emotions are just emotions, neither good nor bad. We all experience them. We don’t deny our emotions, we see that they are there, and it’s then what we do with them that matters.
|Positive Emotion||Negative Emotion|
|Gratitude, thankfulness||Anger, rage, annoyance, contempt, disgust, irritation|
|Interest, curiosity||Alarm, panic, boredom|
|Joy, elation, delight||Sorrow, sadness, disappointment, hurt, sadness, despair|
|Relief, serenity||Frustration, worry|
|Generosity||Greed, envy, miserliness|
|Self-confidence, sociability||Embarrassment, shame, guilt|
|Calm, content, relaxed, relieved, serene||Agitation, stress, tension, shock|
Walking away from trouble:
Can you think of a time you had the power to walk away from something where you felt more and more upset that you were unable to change things?
What are some of the things you said to yourself to do or what are some of the things you can tell yourself to do?